Sunday, January 9, 2011

the Ring & the Wrong

Yesterday, I was looking through my jewelry and again came upon the ring.  My mother left me a few pieces of jewelry, one of which was her wedding ring.  I always loved that ring...seeing it on her hand...watching all she lovingly did for her family and friends throughout the years with it on are etched memories for me.  I have tried to wear the ring a few times since she died, but I keep it on for less than a day and then  it just makes me too sad to see it.
I got it out again, put it on and every time I see it unexpectedly on my hand gasp a little as it is also my mother's hand that I see...I'm getting arthritis in my joints and my right hand especially, looks like hers.

So my dilemma is...wear it till I get used to it, or put it away and preserve it as it appears in my mind...a sacred memento of her....what to do?

Humorously...the wrong.  Today in church, we sat next to Chelsea, Brant and baby Bryden, when suddenly during a sacred moment at the beginning of service the fire alarm went off!  Now I have never heard the fire alarm in church...didn't really know we had one. The minister, cool and calm decided to wait because to overcome that racket was too competitive.  Baby Bryden looked startled but unfazed as he really just wanted to be allowed to wander under the seats. ( mother told me that as a toddler in church one Sunday that I crawled under the pews...she had my sister as an infant in arms...and switched every one's boots around to the shock of all following service). In the was a youngster that had pulled a fire alarm and had the fire department and fire marshall coming to Sunday morning church! 
Hmmmm.....The beginning to an interesting week.


yaya said...

That ring is so beautiful! It is a shame to let it sit hidden. When wearing it you are honoring your Mom and every time someone comments and admires it, you have that opportunity to tell about it and wouldn't Jean just love being the center of attention again! I can see her smiling now! That being said the pain is real and maybe with more time it would be easier. I laughed about the boot switching. You are such an organizer that I imagine you were just putting them where you think they would look best! (Did you label them? Just sayin'...)

acorn hollow said...

I too think you should wear it. I know the memories are hard some time and I do no know how long you mom has been gone but I think she would be please you are wearing it.

A Tale of Two Cities said...

It's hard to advise you, but all I wanted to say is that I think that ring is absolutely and classically gorgeous. What a beautiful touchstone to the wonderful life your mother lived on this earth.

Let us know what you decide,

Teresa said...

The ring is just beautiful. I think a wedding ring is probably the most precious reminder one could have of their mother ... whether you decide to wear it or not.

Julia said...

Donna, your mother's ring is absolutely gorgeous and must have been chosen very lovingly. She must have wore it with pride for all it signified to her during her life.
As much as we love and are close to our mother, a ring can never replace them but can bring back some sweet memories and along with it, unfortunately some sad memories as well.

I think that you should wear it either on a chain around your neck or on your finger to honor the wonderful mother you remember with loving and joyful memories and sad memories. These memories are all part of the fabric of your life. Hugs, JB

saltbox treasures said...

Wearing the ring, I understand. I have the diamond necklace from my husband's mom. She always wore it. I couldn't bring myself to wear it for about 5 years. I think I can wear it now for special occasions. It just takes time.
Your grandchildren are beautiful!!! so much fun.
Have a great week!
~ Julie

Rebecca said...

It is a beautiful ring and looks wonderful on your hand...I vote for wearing it as often as you can.

That was quite a RINGING in our church, TOO! That's a great story about your little boot-swap :)

Melissa Miller said...

Donna the ring is so beautiful and unique. I think you should wear it.

Happy day to you sweet friend.
Warmly, ~Melissa :)

Donna said...

What a beautiful ring. Maybe some day you will feel like wearing it, and think of your beloved Mom smiling down on you. Have you ever thought of wearing it on a chain around your neck? That way, you could still feel as if you are keeping a part of your Mother close to you.

River-Rose said...

Your Mother's ring is so beautiful as I know her spirit is. I am just guessing, but I am sure that no matter what you do, she would want you to feel comfortable and happy! xoxo

Tammy@beatrice banks said...

Wow! That ring is gorgeous. It's so unique. Although you miss your mom, at least you have happy memories of that ring on her hand. Sounds like she was an amazing woman.
I bet the parents of that child were quite embarrassed. The things kids do! lol

Hope said...

great story about the boot switching! lol!

what a beautiful ring!

I too have a similar story to yours. I inherited my mother's jewelry. she loved her jewelry, proudly wore it everyday.
It was a strange feeling to place a ring on my finger that belonged to mom but I know she would have wanted me to wear it. and i do...on occasion. will take time and eventually you will come to decision that you can live with.

so...if it will make any difference...I will say...wear it. As often or as little as you like. :)

take care

Jennifer said...

Hi Donna, What a lovely ring and remembrance of your Mom...sorry about the arthritis...when someone asks about the ring you will get to tell people about your Mom..

such a funny picture of the boots getting all mixed up in church.

So glad you got to see your grandson!
The best! Jennifer aka Gigi

Stacy Crawford said...

I think you should do whatever your heart tells you. Somedays that might be different things. It sure is a great treasure to have. I have things of my grandma, and I love looking at them because I always think of our fun memories...

Anonymous said...

Your mother's ring is just gorgeous! I can understand how it would be hard to wear it, having constant memories of your mom. But, in a way that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Haha, that is to funny! Its quite humorous when a little kid does something like that and they don't realize what it means or anything. They act so innocent. Its adorable! lol!

Jeanne said...

Donna, you lucky thing! What beautiful hands you have :) I think your ring is a wonderful memento of a life filled with love and wonderful memories. I can also relate to the sadness...I have tired to do the same with my father's watch...just to keep him close. It has been back and forth for me too.

It is a beautiful ring...very romantic :)

Jeanne xxx

Deb Shucka said...

The ring is so beautiful, and even more so on your hand. I would wear it, feel the pain of her loss, but also feel the warmth of her hand and all its kindness.

Seems like God wanted those firemen at church for some reason. :-)

Beth Dunn said...

It is beautiful!

Dana and Daisy said...

Donna, I have my grandmother's ring, which was an anniversary gift from my grandfather to her. After he passed and she remarried, she had it set in a really ugly cocktail style ring that is just not me at all, but it is still sentimental to me. I know how hard my grandfather worked to buy that ring for her, and I know how much she wanted it, and it took me a long time to have the gumption to wear it. There were also some hurt feelings in the family because she left it to me, her oldest grand-daughter. Well, a counselor finally explained to me that she left it to me because she loved me, (I was having some feelings to work out about my grandmother as she was an alcoholic and it created a lot of pain in my dad and mom's life.) I know tmi! But then I realized I was wrapping up all those feelings on the ring, an inanimate object. And that my grandmother really only gave me the ring because she did love and cherish me in her own way and that I could embrace her love even though my parents had pent up feelings about her still.

Then one day, I met Steve, and we were getting engaged, and of course we were ring shopping. And I felt awful about the prospect of putting him in debt to buy me a ring. And I offered up my grandmother's ring as an alternative. He reluctantly agreed. We found a new mounting for it. And I love it. I love everything it stands for and although it is first and foremost a reminder of my own marriage vows, it also holds memories for me of my grandmother.

For whatever reason you are reluctant to wear your mother's ring, I hope that you will have a chance to enjoy it as I do my grandmother's ring now. She would want you to!

Darlene said...

Donna, wear that ring and enjoy it! It is beautiful and if you wear it often, it will feel natural and you will love wearing it and thinking about your mom. I think about my mom all the time and I was supposed to have her ring when my sister died. When she gave up her home and went into assisted living, she wanted me to have it and just before she moved, or actually during the move, she lost it. I mourn that ring to this day. How I would have loved wearing it.

I gave my gorgeous ring to Sue because I wanted her to enjoy it while I was alive. She thought she would only wear it for special occaisions, but when she put it on, after having it re-sized, she loved it so much that she wears it all the time now and I love that!! I know your mom would want you to wear the beautiful ring she gave you.

Kerri said...

Your mother's ring is just gorgeous. I bet she would love if you wore it sometimes. You have such pretty hands too...I would never be able to post a close up of my hand on my blog...yikes!

Karen Whittal said...

I really believe why keep anything for a rainy day, perhaps that day never comes, I am with Kathy, wear the ring, enjoy it, and every time you look at your hand, smile remembering your awesome Mom.

Becca Bolen said...

Donna i love your blog, i have not been on it for awhile,and i just read your story about your mothers ring. i had to share with you,that when my mother died , my Father gave me her wedding band. I put it on and i have never taken it off. I feel so blessed to have it.It isnt expensive or fancy, but it brings me such comfort, i feel like she is always close to me.I think she would want you to wear the ring i know someday i will want , one of my kids to cherish my ring. Keep on posting Pictures of our precious little Bryden.

Sue said...

Your feelings about the ring have some significance to me because of something my mom did that I thought was foolish at the time. Now I realize that maybe she is wiser than I am giving her credit for.

She is 83 years old, and last year she gave me her wedding ring. I said I didn't want it, and that she should keep on wearing it. She kept insisting and finally got so mad at me that I figured it wasn't worth it and gave in to make her happy.

Her explanation is that she wants the pleasure of seeing the ring on my finger, because it hurts hers now. But I am also thinking that maybe there's something to be said for my getting used to wearing the ring now, so looking at it isn't coupled with the grief of losing her, when that day comes.

Hugs to you.